Steven Wright drifted across my radar a few days ago with …
I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced
by exact duplicates.
These are some more of his smuts that have appeared on my
screen since then:
1 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
2 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the
softness of the bread
3 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
4 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her
friends?
5 - Borrow money from pessimists … they don't expect it
back
6 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
8 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
9 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse
gets the cheese.
10 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
11 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense
to be lazy.
12 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off
now.
13 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet
engines.
14 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence
that you tried.
15 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no
lifeguard.
16 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have
to catch up.
17 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't
have film.
18 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you.
Some of these have a distinctly Oscar Wildish flavour, like
10 and 12, don’t you think?
My favourites are 2, 3, 9, 10, 12 and 18 – which are yours?
Steven Wright and I went to the same obscure little college in Boston - but not at the same time.
ReplyDeletehey alan
Deletecuriously my old college had its smattering of famous and infamous (barry humphries) 'old boys' - the latter example did a painting at one time - a wine bottle with the old school tie round its neck - no so pithy but caused a lot of clucking at the school