No Speed Bumps

Dreams I Yearn For – And Trying to Share the Unsharable

Every now and then I’m lucky enough to have one of those dreams whose sensual power and intensity lingers through the day, rather than rapidly evaporate as soon as I wake up, leaving me grasping round for the irretrievable.

This dream today began with a lot of episodes about trying to get home. I couldn’t find my flat and was endlessly entering wrong buildings and apartments. And being transported and diverted to other locations. The underlying objective seemed to be the calm and comfort and security of home.

But then Zach Randall was there as the main protagonist of another direction of the dream. Not necessarily the slutty Zach of pornodom, but an intensely warm, sensual and intimacy-seeking parallel but other one. We seemed on the edge of being together in some way – with a palpable erotic charge of imminent half buddy friendship half affaire.

After a number of episodes experienced as through glass sluiced with water, we met up again late one afternoon, now in crystal clarity, and I was chatting about my day. I’d driven up the coast with friends and to go spear fishing. Zach seemed disappointed not being asked along and in a curious and fortuitous distortion of time and space I asked him to join us. He said he couldn’t as he had to be home studying.

After one of those naked pains of disappointment mostly experienced in childhood, I asked if I could join him for coffee and he replied with an unexpectedly enthusiastic ‘Sure’.

Then came the overwhelmingly pleasurable moments of the dream.

An utter joy at the immediacy and intimacy of his face, up close. The specifics of its beauty. And the warm calmingly confident smile. He turned for us to go and another moment. Just the back of his neck – broad, with close-cropped hair shiny beaver-like hair. Creamy pink slightly blotchy skin. In the dream.

And then I woke up. And, more than desperate for more, made a great effort to get back to sleep. And - miracle of miracles - I picked up and just went on with this totally seductive and erotic dream. Which in fact had the reality of lived experience, perhaps greater.

And happily the atmosphere of this experience has permeated the whole day.

Sorry guys, just trying to share the unsharable!

Part compensation?