No Speed Bumps

A Few More Dorothy Parkerisms

Frustration



If I had a shiny gun,

I could have a world of fun

Speeding bullets through the brains

Of the folk who give me pains



Or if I had some poison gas

I could make the moments pass

Bumping off a number of

People whom I do not love



But I have no lethal weapon

Thus does Fate our pleasure step on!

So they still are quick and well

Who should be, by rights, in hell

Classic Dorothy Parker.



I've posted on this central denizen of the Algonquin Hotel - more than once - but I couldn't quite resist another. I'm downing my first coffee of the day and needed something of her sort to sort me out.



And so moving on to a few witty maxims - should there be any other kind!

[1] If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me ... .



[2] Someone told Dorothy that Claire Boothe Luce was even kind to her inferiors; Parker replied "Where does she find them?"



[3] Suggested for her tombstone "This is on me"



[4] It's like meeting God without dying



[5] A girl's best friend is her mutter



[6] With the crown of thorns I wear, why should I bother with a prick like you



[7] I've never been a millionaire but I just know I'd be darling at it



[8] Scratch an actor and find an actress



[9] This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly

It should be thrown with great force



[10] Sorrow is tranquillity remembered in emotion

[11] If all the girls who attended Yale prom were laid end to end,

I wouldn't be a bit surprised



[12] 'Too fucking busy and visa versa'

(To an editor pressing for a late article)

And to finish up an oldie and a goodie ...

I like to have a Martini,

Two at the very most.

After three I'm under the table,

After four I'm under my host!

Ok, now I'm really well set up for the day!



Any of these favorites of yours?