Tea and Shortbread and Other Strange Experiences at Grandma's

When I was a kid (reminds of Bette Midler's beginnings to Sophie Tucker jokes!), I often spent the week-end at my grandma's - my fav person in the world. Reckon the parentals needed a break. But, as my mother loathed sex, I don't think it was privacy for them to indulge in any park-the-porpoise/hide-the-sausage/spear-the-bearded-clam kinda activities.

Anyway, I used to wake up early - you won't be able to guess where this is going, so just relax into the story!. And used to get some enormous volumes of Victorian paintings down from the top of a medical cabinet in the guest bedroom. And then got comfy, back in bed again, with a brekkie of tea and shortbread biscuits piled high on a tray over my knees.

I'd flick through to pictures like Jan Van Eyck's 'Giovanni Arnolfini and his Wife' (1434):

And Fantin-Latour's 'Roses and Larkspurs' (1885):

And, when I had a number of these paintings secure, a finger in each page, I went for the real object of this neferious activity - the hunt for C18 and C19 paintings of Greek and Roman historical events. The ones where the the heros felt it absolutely necessary to do their heroic deeds STARK NAKED!!!

Like Jacques-Louis David's 'Rape of the Sabine Women' (1776-9):

And his 'Patroclus' (1780):

If grandma appeared, my fingers sprung into action - magically we had Fantin-Latour's 'Roses and Larkspurs' and Jan Van Eyck's 'Giovanni Arnolfini and his Wife' again!

True - I had no clue why I liked these nudes! They just made me feel good. Very good! Very very very good. But I did eventually work it out. And moved on to photography, like this:








While I reckon I could have come up with an excuse for grandma for examining the C18-19 paintings, I don't think - even now - I would have been able to cum up with any sort of credible explanation for looking at the photographs!

What is it about this guy?

Don't quite know why this bloke gets me in as much as he does.

He IS the perfect GQ model - classically handsome, with full lips and a broad chiselled cleft chin. And then there's that long fat curved loopy dick.

Maybe it's the fact that the dick comes as such a surprise after a face like that. Like Mapplethorpe's 'Man in a suit':

Reckon that's it! I can sleep easy now!

'BBL' Test - Your Most Important Pre-Date Check

What test should you MOST carefully undertake before you head out on that all-important first date?

You might think it's the BCBBT (Bird-Cage-Bottom Breath Test) : hand over open mouth, exhale and then breath in (if ya eyes roll back - go to the bathroom and do serious gargling). Or the CGCT (Clothes and General Cuteness Test) : stand in front of a full-length mirror and inspect WITH TOTAL HONESTY (if ya eyes roll back - go to bed now, and alone).

WRONG!!! None of these tests, tho important, are THE test. Jordan here, aka Michael TC, has just carried out the 'BBL' test, and is showing you a 10-out-of-10 sucessful result.

Can you guess now? Got it - it's the Belly Button Lint Test. Cos, as we all know, everything will go well till he mosies on down there ... and then that little ball of blue-grey fluff nestled in ya belly button will get him dressed again, and heading for the door, before you can shriek 'antidisestablishmentarianism'.

There are a number of theories about how the belly button fluffs up. One is that the snail trail channels the lint on your jocks upwards and into the belly button, that is the stuff that doesn't get trapped by the washing machine filter. I like this theory cos the colour of filter lint is blue-grey too, so there's no need to further explain it's colour in ya belly button.

To test this theory, 'Doug' (a long time BBL sufferer) carried out two now classic experiments. In the first, he shaved a 10 cm area round his button. Result - no fluff! And in the second, he shaved a horizontal band across his trail. Again, no fluff! QED!!!

There is the complicating factor of having an 'innie' or an 'outie'. Dr Karl, of Triple J Science Talkback Radio, differentiates:

Your normal belly button is concave, with an attractive upper hood. The base of the belly button usually joins onto the muscle wall of the abdomen. Around the belly button there is subcutaneous fat. In the "outie", there is a protuberant mass of subcutaneous scar tissue between the bottom of the belly button and the muscle wall of the abdomen. This scar turns the concave "innie" into a convex "outie".

As you would expect, 96% of those with BBL were outie challenged i.e. had innies. But, then there are more innies, so ... . Suspect research!

Jordan was so pleased by his LFBB (Lint Free Belly Button) result that he decided to pose some more:
And then, cos he is a vain show-off kinda bugger, he did some indoor shots (close up):



And some indoor shots (middle distance):



And he's not too bad looking too - as well as having that fabulous LFBB.

Ricardo Villani - Model and Stiff-Making Meister

Ricardo Villani, in one incarnation, is a cute sexy Brazilian model:


In another incarnation, a cowboy with a tendancy to get his shirt off - actually, he seems to have this trait in all incarnations.



And in this incarnation, he also seems to find it difficult to keep his cock in his jeans. Or to keep it down. Cum to think of it, don't reckon I've ever seen a model give so much hard cock. He can't get it soft. Unlike Matheus Verdelho, who only has a very bad flirting disorder.





And indoors, it just keeps happening:



After seeing this last photo, I realized there actually had to be a God. A big serious one!

Rafael Lazzini

A midnight snack - woof, woof ... one for each pit!

Tribal Beauty
Philippine Culture and Identity in Traditional Woven Clothing

Botbot Kalinga Apayao Southern Kalinga

Paracelis Mt Province Ga'dang

Maligcong Bontoc Bontok

Canyugan Bangued Abra

I've traveled round the Philippines a number of times, and on one of these trips, I was given an extraordinary book by a friend, Baby Carpio - 'Sinaunang Habi - Philippine Ancestral Weave' (by Marian Pastor Roces, Communications Technologies, Manila, 1991).

The author's aim was to explore 'the various ways in which varying societies have deployed the concepts of culture, nation and identity' in 'the textile traditions of island Southeast Asia'. In particular, how these concepts are realized in the different traditional weaving styles and patterns.

One focus of the book is traditional woven clothing, with examples given of the myriad of different styles from all over the country.

What is really interesting, however, is that each example is modeled by an inhabitant of the region from which it comes. With the very formal arrangement of the subject/s and solemn way in which the models present themselves giving the sense of old C19 ethnographic photographs - but in colour.

Lembaning Lake Sebu South Cotabato T'boli

Lower Calirian Zamboanga City Sama

Mandaya Highlands Davao Oriental Mandaya

Catalunan Grande Talomo District Davao City Bagobo

Catalunan Grande Talomo District Davao City Bagobo

Catalunan Grande Talomo District Davao City Bagobo

Kiangan Ifugao Ifugao

Dungan Pekong Matanao Davao del Sur B'laan

Savoy Matanao Davao del Sur B'laan

Savoy Matanao Davao del Sur B'laan

Upper Calarian Zamboanga City Yakan

Lanao de Sur Maranaw

Basilan Yakan

Various Regions

I've included a map of The Philippines, in case you want to locate where a particular example comes from:


Indonesia and Malaysia are close to The Philippines - the influence of these Muslim countries countries can be seen strongly in the patterning of the textiles.